hands...

It has been a busy season. My days and nights are filled with work and deadlines. I was excited to finally have a break this morning to spend some intentional time with God, and I felt in my heart that the way to start this time was at a Catholic mass down the street from my house. However, the priest’s message ended up being an informational talk about the structural improvements needed for the church building. I was confused. This is why you had me come, Lord? But God had some things to show me. And I was fortunate enough to witness two Glorious events - 2 beautiful examples of LOVE that went unnoticed/unappreciated by most.
The first event began when an impoverished man rushed through the back doors of the church. With the priest still talking, he walked briskly down the aisle all the way to the front of the church. He had determination in his eyes, desperation in his heart, and a small flowered plant in his hands. The people sitting in the pews began to look around like, “is someone going to do something about this man? He does not belong here. He is distracting us!” But then the man spotted the statue of Jesus at the front right of the church. He ran up, knelt down before the statue, laid down the plant as a gift, and then walked out the side doors. Many people began to talk under their breath about this man with annoyance in their eyes. This man had certainly gone against the appropriate system and structure. But I snickered to myself! Maybe this reveals a bit of rebellion in my heart toward rules and structure, but nonetheless, I had just witnessed a heart to what I have read about in the Bible!…. the woman who poured the costly perfume on Jesus’ feet; the friends of the paralytic who lowered him through the roof to get to where Jesus was; the woman who fought through crowds to simply touch Jesus’ clothing. Like this man, all these people encompassed a heart of desperate love. They share a narrow focus: to get to Jesus. This is true love.
The second story unfolded as I walked from the church to my car. A homeless man was sitting on the curb near where I parked, and said “hi” as I approached. I did not have my wallet with me and apologized for not being able to give him something. He responded with sincerity and grace, and I could sense a special gentleness about this man. I stopped to talk with him and I reached out to shake his hand. He took my hand, put it to his face, and began to cry. I knelt down next to him and he continued to hold my hand as he shared his story with me. I watched as tears streamed down his face, out of a hole where an eye should have been, and an eye that held much pain. I shared in his tears and listened to the man’s heart. He is from El Salvador, and has been in the States since 1980. He told stories of violence and showed me the long scars that covered his body - from his feet all the way up to his face. He spoke little English, and I spoke little Spanish, but he continued to share and cry and look deeply into my eyes, periodically taking my hand and placing it back to his cheek. I realized that this is why I was here today, to be the hands of God. Countless people walk by this man and very few acknowledge him. Even fewer touch him. He was in terrible shape – dirty clothing, sores and scars covering his skin. But Jesus touched the Lepers. He embraced people in the place where they are at, and said “I love you here.” He says that to each of us as well – even if our sores and scars are on the inside.
After spending some time with him, a little girl around 6 years old came up to put a dollar in the hat where he had been collecting money. He reached out to give her a hug, and with a big smile she embraced him with open arms! At that moment, I was certain I was in the presence of angels.
When I drove home from church I cried…not out of any sort of pity or sadness, but because I was so overwhelmed by how personal God’s love is for us. Even to send someone to meet the needs of human touch, or teach an exhausted girl that He deeply cares about my details, that He is in control, and will fulfill my every need. God is LOVE.

Peace...

Pondering this: control is the bloom if the root is fear... Control says I am afraid so I am taking charge and no longer giving you power. So it's key to get at the root of our fear and take note of our thoughts, our beliefs… "for the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6)" Until recently I only associated the concept of peace with my heart or with a feeling. But I struggle so often with racing thoughts and “figuring things out”. I am thankful for my ability to be analytical and problem-solve, but I can also get stuck in my head, or in “future thinking” and begin to feel an overwhelming fear that I am out of control and things might go awry. And I desire peace. Peace in my heart and peace in my mind. So the root for me is trust. Trusting God really does know best. Trusting He really does love me a lot. And to just breathe that in deep and painfully let go of the reins I cling so tightly to my hands have to bleed before I realize what I’m doing. I definitely need a renewing of my mind and thought life… because what is the point in living like this? It’s not even practical. I want life and life to the fullest. I want to live my days on this earth with a deep peace, regardless of my circumstances. So, I want to set my mind on the Spirit. It’s His beautiful promise: “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid (John 14:27).”

Love notes...

After a really tough week emotionally, feeling overworked, and altogether a bit lonely and discouraged, I opted to walk into the Catholic church across from my office where I park my car everyday. I just needed to sit and wind down. I was tempted to lay down on one of the pews and take a short nap! But I sat there and began to journal, contemplating my singleness, and how God wants me alone with him right now. While this is pretty cool (to be wanted by God), it also hurts (emotionally and physically) to let everything else go. To surrender. To let my roots to everything else burn. So, I wrote down in my journal that I would begin to document the little ways God sends me messages and romances me in this otherwise lonely season. ... And just as I put the dot at the end of that sentence, I looked up and saw a huge reflection of light in the shape of a heart on the cathedral wall. I was in awe. I teared up and wrote it down as my first entry. As soon as I was done, the sun had shifted and the shape was no longer there. It was a sweet moment. And God's timing is perfect.

Here we go...

Sometimes God allows us to see the wonder hidden just beneath the surface of life. Life is tough. It can seem dry and shallow. It is easy to doubt and get discouraged – or worse – become numb and except the shallow as normal. This is a public journal to share the beauty that I see amidst the mundane, chaos, and suffering that so often surrounds us and invades our souls. Beauty and Truth can come in the most unexpected places and at the most ironic time. They’re like flowers that grow in the midst of dry land. It doesn’t seem possible, but they are there. It is critical to be open, and train our eyes to see.